


Who let the tops out?

by t_time



Category: Cobra Kai (Web Series), Karate Kid (Movies)
Genre: Divorced Daniel, Idiots in Love, M/M, crack fic based on a tweet, gen x men acting like gen x men, minor (so minor you barely see it) internalized homophobia, sometime post season 3 but no real defining time characteristics, topping arguments
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-01
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-13 21:14:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29782188
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/t_time/pseuds/t_time
Summary: Johnny’s always assumed, not that he thought about it or anything, but he’d always assumed that if he and LaRusso ever got down to it, he’d be the one giving. It makes perfect sense to him, he’s taller, bigger (muscle-mass wise, down there they’re almost evenly matched), and he’s used to it- giving that is.But when they finally do get down to it, LaRusso hasn’t thought about it nearly as logically as he has.--Just two tops trying to make it work.
Relationships: Daniel LaRusso/Johnny Lawrence
Comments: 36
Kudos: 104





	Who let the tops out?

**Author's Note:**

> based on the tweet: If you and a same-sex friend are eating out and request just one check and the waitress sets it down in front of you, she decided you're the top.

Johnny’s always assumed, not that he thought about it or anything, but he’d always assumed that if he and LaRusso ever got down to it, he’d be the one giving. It makes perfect sense to him, he’s taller, bigger (muscle-mass wise, down there they’re almost evenly matched), and he’s used to it- giving that is.

But when they finally do get down to it, LaRusso hasn’t thought about it nearly as logically as he has.

They’re in his bed, and LaRusso is on top of him, pressing him down into the worn sheets and kissing him hard. They’ve done this part at least a dozen times, usually ends with LaRusso pulling him off, making Johnny see stars (he’s so unfairly good with his hands) and cuddling that Johnny would never admit to anyone, even with a gun to his head, that he loves.

They’ve already got their clothes off, and Johnny is halfway to another spectacular ending when LaRusso presses his fingers into his mouth with the directive to “get them wet.”

“Uh-“ Johnny says, muffled around a mouthful of long, talented fingers, “why?”

Daniel, misunderstanding Johnny’s confusion, smirks. “So I can open you up?” He places wet kisses at Johnny’s throat, so unfair. “It’s really not smart to try and go in unprepped. It’s not like with women, there’s no natural lubricant. ”

And Jesus, Johnny knows that but why does LaRusso think _Johnny’s_ the one getting opened up? “I’m not some gay virgin, LaRusso, I know what butt prep is, but why do you think you’re doing it to _me_?”

Confused is an unfairly adorable look on him. “So I can fuck you?”

“Why do you think you’re fucking me?” Johnny says, and he’s kind of acting like an ass, but he’s also not a fuckin bottom, what the hell.

LaRusso pulls back a little, perches on the edge of the bed. “You thought you would fuck me?”

“Well, yeah.”

“Why?” 

_Why?_

“It makes more sense than the alternative.” Johnny shrugs. 

“How?” 

“Well, I mean, I am bigger.” And Johnny knows what he means, like taller, wider, but LaRusso takes it the wrong way because of course he does, and he looks really fucking offended.

“You’re not– bigger Johnny, what the hell?” 

And because he looks about two seconds away from grabbing a ruler to measure, “I didn’t mean like that, Jesus LaRusso get your head out of the gutter,” he teases, can’t help teasing a little, not when he’s such an easy target. “I meant like, taller.”

Daniel gives him a disbelieving look. “So you think because you’re _taller_ , you should top?”

Of course when he says it like that it sounds ridiculous, but Johnny doesn’t back down. Not ever. “I’m not just taller, I’m wider too.” He stands up and crowds Daniel down onto the bed, manhandling his slim hips. Smirking a little. “You’re so small LaRusso, made for taking my cock.”

Johnny dips down to kiss into Daniel’s neck, but gets pushed off, and then he’s scrambling out from under Johnny. “You think because I’m smaller than you, I have to get fucked? Is that it?”

Why is he so goddamn upset? “Is there something wrong with bottoming, LaRusso? I thought you were all progressive and shit.”

Daniel bristles further, which Johnny did not think was possible at this point. He’s definitely not getting lucky tonight. “ _Nothing_ ” he bites out, and Johnny’s seriously supposed to believe him? “So why don’t you bottom?”

“I don’t bottom,” he replies stubbornly. 

Daniel’s answering laugh is a little mean. “Of course you don’t. How stupid of me to think Johnny Lawrence would ever bottom.”

“Hey, man, what’s your problem?” Johnny snaps. 

“Do you want to be with me or not?” Daniel asks. “I’m a man, Johnny. Being with me means being with a man.” His shoulders have drawn up around his ears, and he’s holding his arms across his chest, the posture he always takes when he’s feeling insecure about something. 

All at once, Johnny’s annoyance deflates. Daniel thinks he doesn’t want to be with him? “I know that,” Johnny says, shuffling forward to take him into his arms, and when Daniel tries to look away, he catches his face and says it again. “I know that. I have no issue with you being a man, LaRusso. I like your dick, I just never thought I’d be taking it up my ass.”

His overly crude reassurance makes Daniel smile, _score_. “You thought about this?”

Of course _that’s_ all he got from this. Johnny rolls his eyes. “Whatever.”

“Just how long have you been thinking about it, Johnny?” Daniel says, over his sulking and barreling full force into annoying. “Like, back in high school, were you thinking about giving it to me good? Were you thinking about fucking my ass while you–” he doesn’t get to finish because Johnny tackles him back onto the bed, and they’re wrestling like they’re 30 years younger than they are. 

\--

Later, after they’ve given up on wrestling to press each other into the bed and finish what they started, Daniel calls Amanda to complain. 

His ex-wife laughs at him for so long he considers timing it, then catches her breath and laughs again. Eventually, Daniel gets tired of listening to her laugh, made tinny by his phone’s speaker, and he hangs up. He gets a text from her half an hour later. 

**I’m sorry for laughing.**

  
**No you’re not.**  


**I’m not, but it’s the polite thing to say**

  
**Are you going to laugh at me over text now? Because I’m really not interested.**  


**I won’t laugh at you now. But you have to see what’s funny about this?**

  
**Um, no. I don’t.**  


**You and your high school karate rival-turned boyfriend finally stopped arguing long enough to get in each other’s pants, only now you’re fighting again because you can’t decide who should stick what where. You don’t think that’s even a little funny?**

  
**I think that explanation’s a little reductivist.**  


**You can’t see, but I just rolled my eyes. I think you guys are overthinking this.**

  
**It’s an important decision**  


**You can always switch off. We used to.**

  
**Yeah, and look how great that turned out.**  


**Don’t be mean**

  
**I’m sorry. Seriously though, what should I do?**  


**Talk to your boyfriend. And take the stick out of your ass. If you’re lucky, something might replace it.**

  
**Don’t be crude**  


**This coming from the man who called his ex-wife to talk about the sexual dynamics of his relationship.**

  
**Touche**  


\--

They don’t talk about it, but in their defense, they’re both really busy. With work. Amanda invites them over for family dinner: the three adults and all their children, and immediately knows they haven’t talked about it. She’s good that way. 

“I thought I told you to talk to him,” Amanda hisses after dragging Daniel into the kitchen to ‘get more wine.’

“We talk all the time,” Daniel shoots back, looking for the Pinot Noir. She must have rearranged the kitchen when he moved out. 

“You know that’s not what I’m talking about,” her tone is warning. 

Daniel deflates. “You don’t get it. It’s a big deal.”

“If you can’t talk to him about problems in the bedroom, they’ll seep out into the rest of your relationship,” she tells him, and he knows she’s speaking from experience. 

“Yeah.”

“You could see a therapist?” And when Daniel wrinkles his nose, “Don’t be so obviously Generation X. It works for a lot of people.”

Feeling properly chastised and lacking the wine they supposedly came in for, Daniel slinks out of the kitchen. Johnny is still sitting where they left him, passionately discussing something with Robby. 

Daniel softens, watching the gentle way Johnny handles their conversation. Robby says something, and Johnny throws his head back and groans good naturedly. His response makes Robby splutter water into his lap.

Sam offers him a napkin with a small smile, and Robby takes it smiling back unreservedly. 

He doesn’t want to ruin this. 

Johnny catches sight of him and waves him in. “Come settle a bet for us: which is better Top Gun or Iron Eagle?”

Oh boy. 

\--

Later that night, Daniel receives another text from Amanda. 

**Image Attachment**  
**Maybe this will solve all your psycho-sexual issues with your karate boyfriend.**

The picture is a screenshot of a tweet: “ If you and a same-sex friend are eating out and request just one check and the waitress sets it down in front of you, she decided you're the top.”  
He laughs and sends back a thumbs up, taking the text in the joking spirit it was sent. Johnny slides up behind him and wraps his arms around Daniel’s waist. 

“What’s so funny?”

Daniel smiles and holds up the phone. “Amanda’s brilliant advice about our topping issue.”

Instead of laughing like Daniel expects he will, Johnny goes suspiciously silent. “What?”

“This could work,” Johnny says, and oh hell no. 

He twists out of Johnny’s arms, looking at his entirely too earnest face. “Absolutely–”

“Just think about it!” Johnny interrupts. “Take all the dumb pressure off ourselves and put it on someone else.”

“A poor, unsuspecting waitress who makes less than minimum wage?” Daniel asks, scandalized. 

“It’s not like we’re gonna tell her.” And when that doesn’t work, “We’ll leave a really good tip.”

Daniel studies the floor, thinking.

“Come on,” Johnny says, drawing out the ‘o’ in on. “You know you want to. How great would it feel if even a stranger thinks you’re right?”

He has to press his lips together to keep himself from smiling. Looks up at Johnny. “You don’t think you’ll be right?”

His face splits into a grin. “Oh I know I’ll be right, but I didn’t think that would be a good selling point.” He takes Daniel’s arm and pulls him gently forward. Kisses the top of his head. “What do you say?”

Daniel runs a tongue along his teeth. “Fine.”

Johnny’s whoop of excitement finally manages to draw a smile. 

\--

Daniel insisted that if they did this it had to be proper, so Johnny’s been tugging at the stupid tight collar of the ridiculous new shirt Daniel bought him all night. The food is delicious, he’ll give it that. 

Daniel asked for the check two whole minutes ago, and Johnny’s knee has been bouncing uncontrollably since. “Can _we_ get the check. No just one.” Very specific phrasing. They argued for at least an hour about whether it would tilt the odds if just one of them asked, but they agreed they couldn’t somehow _both_ ask. Thus the ‘we’. 

He can see the waitress coming back now, a nice girl he probably would have hit on in a bar when he was twenty and trying desperately to prove he was only into chicks. She smiles brightly at them as she sets down the little black book. 

Right in front of Daniel. 

“Whenever you’re ready,” she says, still smiling, completely unaware of how much she’s just ruined Johnny’s night. 

Johnny can see the smile Daniel is fighting off his face. 

“Thank you,” he says, and there’s laughter threatening to bubble out of him. Yeah, laugh it up you little shit. 

He raises an eyebrow at Johnny when she’s gone. 

Johnny scowls and sips his wine, ignoring his urge to chug down the rest of the glass, and then the rest of the bottle. 

“So,” Daniel says.

“Don’t even start,” he growls. 

“You could have saved yourself so much trouble if you’d just gotten them wet when I asked,” he laughs. 

Johnny flushes and stares at Daniel’s hands while he places a stack of bills in the book. A very generous tip indeed. Little _shit_. 

“Yeah, yeah, yuck it up LaRusso.”

Daniel stands up and offers his hand to Johnny. He doesn’t _need_ it to get up. He takes it anyway. 

He waits until they’re out of the restaurant to whisper, “I’ll be real gentle baby, don’t worry.” And then takes off as Johnny gives chase. 

“Little shit!”

**Author's Note:**

> this idea planted itself in my brain and very rudely wouldn't leave until I wrote it.
> 
> Come say hi to me on [tumblr!](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/cobra-sigh)


End file.
